Of the seven virtues, (prudence, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility),patience is the one I struggle with the most (or at least right now anyway). And maybe that's so because I am surrounded by impatient people. Every day requires a lot of time management, and it seems that I can't get what I need done on time because I am so focused on the finish line that I don't get a chance to survey the journey. I am supposed to be, quick, quick and on my toes! They tell me to jump and I ask through how many hoops? Music has been weighing in my head like a boulder, and it's crashing the walls of my brain. I have much regret that I didn't start learning how to play the guitar and the piano at a younger age. So now when I go to play, I get frustrated after about twenty minutes because my fingers hurt, or pushing the bar chords down or hitting the keys makes the instrument sound horrible. I want to be great at this, now, but I lack the patience for discipline. I am at a stalemate with my music, and it isn't helping that Peter and I are hitting the pause button on our music writing stereo. Furthermore, I have this wonderful gift of song, to sing and to write, so I feel as though it is my DUTY to be a musician-- as though I am not just disappointing myself, but God, my family, my friends, random people, whoever... it's a lot to carry on my shoulders.
Now, you say! NOW! GET IT DONE NOW! Fine. But give me some time, brain, give me some time. Let those moments of frustration turn into songs of solitude. Take some time to really reflect on what you HAVE accomplished, and the rest will come... right? Please say yes.
I used to believe the same way that you do; I have a responsibility nay, it's my duty to share my talent. I realized though that objectively, it doesn't really matter. (Here's something I wrote on that very subject:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtjMmWsffy8)
It is a bit harder to make a mark in the Information Age and in a world of nearly 7 billion people. Even if you do, the impact is rather fleeting. Elizabeth Taylor just died and she was one of the last Hollywood icons. Her death barely made a blip. The world doesn't seem to even pause to mourn anymore.
In truth, your life is only important to you and a few other people. Look at someone who has achieved worldwide fame such as Elvis. (I don't even need to use his last name.) If it was possible for him to be resurrected but he was told he would have to live as an unknown and in obscurity, I am sure he would take it. You take any famous dead performer and I bet they would swap all their fame and fortune to have what we have right now: life.
So I would say enjoy using your talent. Enjoy the creative process, but don't make it a some sort of heavy burden. Because ultimately, and this may sound harsh, it only really matters to you. But you know what? That is more than enough.