Courage

I have it.  Let me be.

Patience

Of the seven virtues, (prudence, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility),patience is the one I struggle with the most (or at least right now anyway).  And maybe that's so because I am surrounded by impatient people.  Every day requires a lot of time management, and it seems that I can't get what I need done on time because I am so focused on the finish line that I don't get a chance to survey the journey.  I am supposed to be, quick, quick and on my toes!  They tell me to jump and I ask through how many hoops?  

Music has been weighing in my head like a boulder, and it's crashing the walls of my brain.  I have much regret that I didn't start learning how to play the guitar and the piano at a younger age.  So now when I go to play, I get frustrated after about twenty minutes because my fingers hurt, or pushing the bar chords down or hitting the keys makes the instrument sound horrible.  I want to be great at this, now, but I lack the patience for discipline.  I am at a stalemate with my music, and it isn't helping that Peter and I are hitting the pause button on our music writing stereo.  Furthermore, I have this wonderful gift of song, to sing and to write, so I feel as though it is my DUTY to be a musician-- as though I am not just disappointing myself, but God, my family, my friends, random people, whoever... it's a lot to carry on my shoulders. 

Now, you say!  NOW!  GET IT DONE NOW!  Fine.  But give me some time, brain, give me some time.  Let those moments of frustration turn into songs of solitude.  Take some time to really reflect on what you HAVE accomplished, and the rest will come... right?  Please say yes.

Yeah, Geeze, Keep it Simple

Wisdom

I feel as though I have been lacking wisdom... which is odd, considering I am getting older... shouldn't I feel wiser?  Divine Sophia, why aren't you blessing me with your presence?  Maybe I have turned my back on the mystical and I am focusing too much on the concrete... I feel empty at Church and no matter how hard I workout at the gym, I never feel like it's good enough... that no matter how much I push myself at work, I never get anything done.  Is it insatiability?  I can't do enough music... music doesn't come around often anymore... I feel as though I am in a transition period, and I am considering switching careers... I feel like a deadbeat, and I have many,  many regrets right now.  Oh wisdom, find me soon... or let me find you in the heart of my mind.  Please.

Freedom

Anais Nin claims in Volume II of her personal diaries that "dreams are necessary to life."  I would claim that freedom is more necessary to life, than dreams.  With freedom, you can do just about anything, even dream if you so desire.  But true freedom is the ability to maintain one's autonomy and not feel bound by anyone thing or person.  I sit back when anger tries to get the best of me and I think to myself, "am I getting paid enough to get upset?"  Usually the answer is no; in fact 99% of the time it is no.  I think that's true freedom; to have absolute control over how we deal with any given situation.  To be free, is to live.  I feel a song coming on....

Adele

I want to cover this song.  Forever.  "Rolling in the Deep"
I feel inspired to write something that sounds like this song... 
I need to really work on using my voice as the primary instrument
when I write music... I am focusing too much on the guitar (for my personal stuff.)