All I want for Christmas, is my boyfriend, Danny!

Bitter Paradox - What an Appropriate Music Project Title

It's been a little time since I last used my blog to share what is happening in my music/art world.  So here's the quick and dirty version of what's happening in Bee'z life.

I am no longer the lead vocalist of Drastic Fall (aka drastic fail).  Unfortunately, there was a band member that refused to act professional enough, or have enough talent to allow the transformation of some junkie garage band turn into a real experimental metal band.  It's a shame, but to be honest, I didn't want to have to scream...  although, I was getting pretty good at it.  Regardless, I ended up on top for several reasons, one of them being, I am now dating the former bass player of Drastic Fall, Danny Day, who quit the band when he found out the other two members were tossing me to the curb.  I suppose I am a little bitter, but more so annoyed that I wasn't given the professional courtesy that I felt I deserved.  A "Thank you, Bee, for all of your hard work" would have been appreciated.  But, alls well that ends well, right?  Danny and I are really happy together, and we no longer have to hide our relationship from anyone.

Now, onto Bitter Paradox.  Since Peter and I have gotten back on track with writing and performing, we have written two new great songs, "Run From What You Fear" and "Acoustic Metal".  I also plan on using some lyrics that I wrote a while ago for a new riff he sent me... it's about Eve, which was also my costume for this year's Halloween.  ANYWAY, you can check Bitter Paradox out on REVERB NATION now.  We are also on FACEBOOK.  Stay tuned for some future awesomeness, as Peter and I plan on recording our very own EP, as well as working with some musicians to add more instrumentals to our recordings and possibly our live performances.  I recently purchased a PA system that I am very proud to own, and I would like to start using it sooner than later, but the album MUST come first in order to build a greater fan base and to establish revenue for the project!

Oh, one final note, I quit my job as Curatorial Assistant at the Leepa-Rattner Museum of Art... However, I am still a member and actually performed there a couple weeks ago for the "So You Wanna be an Artist" Night.  I am back full time working for my parents at their storage facility.  I am also pursing my business, Management & Memories more... unless I make it big with music, I hope to get more clients than I already have (which is one at the moment).  But, a hefty job, none-the-less!

Drastic Fall in July

Since the end of May, I have been working my vocals with a group of dudes who are part of the heavy metal band, Drastic Fall.  I've been studying Melissa Cross' Zen of Screaming DVDs and practicing my vocal warm-ups before every practice.  In a little over a month now, I have a few techniques down and I continue to work on screaming that doesn't penetrate my throat too much.  Along with screaming, I sing some opera, play the harmonica, and sing my heart out as an alto and soprano.  Pretty soon we will be adding some vocal EFX from the vx400, especially for songs like "Freakshow," and "Conundrum."

What is most exciting is we have two shows coming up this month!  One is at Gasoline Alley on the 16th of July and the other at State Theatre, July 31st.  I can honestly say that I am so glad that one of the people I was jamming with in the past flaked on me so I was determined enough to find a band that is ready to jam.  (And no, Peter, I am not referring to you; Bitter Paradox lives on!)

"Bitter Paradox opened Pandora's Box"

It's finally here!  "Blame the Devil" has been recorded (rough style) and is almost studio ready (once I memorize the lyrics...)  This five and half minute song is "intense," as Peter describes it.  It is a recollection of certain events in my life in difference places.  The story isn't chronological, but there is something deeper behind it all.  Every verse I mention a bed, alluding to the fact that lust could possibly be the worst of the seven deadly sins... or is it?

"Bitter Paradox
Opened Pandora's Box
Out comes the sound
A bed just right for Goldie Lox...
....or something!"

My favorite part of this song is the ending...

"You just might...
Realize...
That I'm the devil
In disguise..."

The only way to kill these giant grasshoppers?

You gotta hit 'em with a 2x4, says experts!

This thing was outside of my apartment complex, stuck inside the fire extinguisher case.  Talk about frightening!  I didn't kill it, but I definitely had my mace handy if he decided to freak out and jump at me!

This is what it looks like...

when Bitter Paradox is recording a video of themselves playing, and Bee decides to come in half a measure too early:

Courage

I have it.  Let me be.

Patience

Of the seven virtues, (prudence, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility),patience is the one I struggle with the most (or at least right now anyway).  And maybe that's so because I am surrounded by impatient people.  Every day requires a lot of time management, and it seems that I can't get what I need done on time because I am so focused on the finish line that I don't get a chance to survey the journey.  I am supposed to be, quick, quick and on my toes!  They tell me to jump and I ask through how many hoops?  

Music has been weighing in my head like a boulder, and it's crashing the walls of my brain.  I have much regret that I didn't start learning how to play the guitar and the piano at a younger age.  So now when I go to play, I get frustrated after about twenty minutes because my fingers hurt, or pushing the bar chords down or hitting the keys makes the instrument sound horrible.  I want to be great at this, now, but I lack the patience for discipline.  I am at a stalemate with my music, and it isn't helping that Peter and I are hitting the pause button on our music writing stereo.  Furthermore, I have this wonderful gift of song, to sing and to write, so I feel as though it is my DUTY to be a musician-- as though I am not just disappointing myself, but God, my family, my friends, random people, whoever... it's a lot to carry on my shoulders. 

Now, you say!  NOW!  GET IT DONE NOW!  Fine.  But give me some time, brain, give me some time.  Let those moments of frustration turn into songs of solitude.  Take some time to really reflect on what you HAVE accomplished, and the rest will come... right?  Please say yes.

Yeah, Geeze, Keep it Simple

Wisdom

I feel as though I have been lacking wisdom... which is odd, considering I am getting older... shouldn't I feel wiser?  Divine Sophia, why aren't you blessing me with your presence?  Maybe I have turned my back on the mystical and I am focusing too much on the concrete... I feel empty at Church and no matter how hard I workout at the gym, I never feel like it's good enough... that no matter how much I push myself at work, I never get anything done.  Is it insatiability?  I can't do enough music... music doesn't come around often anymore... I feel as though I am in a transition period, and I am considering switching careers... I feel like a deadbeat, and I have many,  many regrets right now.  Oh wisdom, find me soon... or let me find you in the heart of my mind.  Please.

Freedom

Anais Nin claims in Volume II of her personal diaries that "dreams are necessary to life."  I would claim that freedom is more necessary to life, than dreams.  With freedom, you can do just about anything, even dream if you so desire.  But true freedom is the ability to maintain one's autonomy and not feel bound by anyone thing or person.  I sit back when anger tries to get the best of me and I think to myself, "am I getting paid enough to get upset?"  Usually the answer is no; in fact 99% of the time it is no.  I think that's true freedom; to have absolute control over how we deal with any given situation.  To be free, is to live.  I feel a song coming on....

Adele

I want to cover this song.  Forever.  "Rolling in the Deep"
I feel inspired to write something that sounds like this song... 
I need to really work on using my voice as the primary instrument
when I write music... I am focusing too much on the guitar (for my personal stuff.)

Sounds Good

Me after the gym, entirely unrelated to the post, ha

I finally finished the song "Sounds Good" after working on it for three months... and actually, it isn't really finished, but I do have a nice solid sound for it... and I know the chords I want to play.  I may adjust some of the lyrics, but honestly, "Sounds Good" is a very emotional and heady song.  It starts off as though a sweet love song, lyrically, but as the music slightly changes from chorus to bridge, something isn't right, and the listener comes to find out that nothing actually sounds good, other than the song itself, of course.   It's a play on words and music... and I hope my audience will get that connection.  If not, nothing is lost... people get from music what they will... this song is very cathartic for me, and it's a stepping stone for me to move on from my past relationships.  Sounds good enough, right?

Look, I'm a Model!

Check it out by clicking here!  

"In rust we trust."

Premier Night: Bitter Paradox @ Dunedin Brewery

Peter and I, since the formation of our band name, Bitter Paradox, decided to play an open mic at Dunedin Brewery last night.  We had this dude, Wade, jam with us; he played the flute and soprano saxophone; he was old school cool. We did really well, I thought, figuring we played pretty late: 11:30.  The band that went before us were jerks; took them almost 20 minutes to set up, and then they played for roughly 20 minutes...  they were alright, but I wasn't impressed with all the glitter (literally, they had a strobe light...)  Like, are you kidding me?  This is an open mic, not an American Idol audition.  I was pretty annoyed at that point, but I didn't let it get in the way of my singing.  I gave my most bluesy performance yet... we played three of our songs: "Nightmare," "Frightening" and "In the Bay (I get so Angry)".

"Nightmare" went pretty well, but I thought we were going to hold the guitar solo part out longer as we had discussed, so when Peter gave me the cue to start singing again, I was off by about half a beat.  "Frightening" was definitely my favorite to sing; I added some pretty high parts, and I love rocking that one out.... but, it needs to be jammed out more; there is so much we could do with that song.  I added some pretty fun vocal soloing, Fiona Apple style.  "In the Bay (I get so Angry)" definitely came from the heart last night.  When there's a mic to your mouth and crowd before your eyes, you really start to feel the song in your soul.  A dude there started video recording us, so hopefully he will post that on the Dunedin Brewery Facebook page... I don't have have FB anymore, but maybe Peter will post the video on here.

Next time I hope we play three of our newer songs: "Blame the Devil", "Labor" and "Survival of the Elitist".  Till then...

He's Got Personality!

Hey All!  So yesterday, I finally did it... well two wonderful things, actually.  First, I got my new tattoo that I have wanted for fooorreeevvveerr...  I already had a a carpenter ant and a monarch butterfly, but I felt incomplete without a honey bee, after all, that's my nickname!  So check out the pics; he has quite the personality!

The other great news is, Peter and I (I think) finally have a band name!  "Bitter Paradox," which came to me as an epiphany, literally a light bulb lit above my head. Yesterday I saw a guy smoking a cigarette after I was finished working out and I was thinking to myself, "It's so weird that we are all living and dying at the same time... what a paradox.  What a bitter paradox..." And BOOM, and what was so great is that I have been able to maintain the "BP that" Bee and Peter is short for.  So B.itter P.aradox!  YES!  I feel that this name really resonates with our music; it is sultry and seductive, yet scary and emotional, with hints of blues and jazz.  Album title?  Possibly "Simultaneously Living and Dying."

A Bug's Life!

I think one of my new favorite artists is Catherine Chalmers.  I have always been fascinated by insects and art, so when the two combine, I am instantly hooked.  I felt a similiar feeling when I met Maria-Fernanda Cardoso a couple years ago...  Anyway, check out Chalmer's website here and all the cool pieces she has designed utilizing insects. 

The new MOSI exhibit about insects inspired this search (thanks goes to my boss, Becky).  Check out what's happening there, here.  Anyone want to go with me...?

Valentine

I made a ton of these little tiny cards for valentine's day... but I didn't take a picture of any of them!  Boo!  I have a couple still hanging around, so perhaps when I'm not so busy, I'll put a couple up on here.  Otherwise, here is the card I made for my best friend, Natalie, at the most recent Stampin' 'n' Scrappers Club meeting...  As my grandmother used to say:  "Ooooo and ahhhh"

Google Art Project

The Art Project, powered by Google is a new innovative and interactive website dedicated to art lovers around the globe.  It features different art museums from all parts of the world, and gives the collector or artist the opportunity to post their art as well.  Super cool and free (compared to ArtStor!)  Check it out here!

Labor

This past Saturday evening I got together with Peter, once again, to practice our songs.  We were playing with the idea of going out to an open mic this week... we have three solid songs that we've written and two covers.  However, until we figure out a name for our band, I am hesitant to step outside of our comfort zone.  Also, when it comes to performing covers, Peter is adamant about playing them topically, while I like to add my own twist to the songs... covers  may not be in store for us if we can't agree on how we want them to sound (Go ahead Peter: retort).  Despite this, when we write our songs, they are so organic, and our heads never clash.  Our minds combined create some of the greatest songs that I have written with another person.

There is a new song we are working on that was slightly unexpected to come about... but it worked its way in there.  I have to work on the lyrics a ton; they come from a poem I wrote back in February of 2004.  It was titled "The Toltec" because I was obsessed with naming my poems after the first couple words of each one (Emily Dickinson inspired).   It's about working really hard, but still trying to enjoy life.  I think the rename of the title to "Labor" is necessary to emphasize what the song is really about... I love the sound... it's a little more cryptic with a solid beat (and I can already imagine a remix).  As far as vocals are concerned, I want something a little more sultry and soulful than the other songs. Maybe Erykah Badu meets our other song "Frightening."  We shall see what we get from it...  we rough recorded a sampling, and I love how you can hear the rain falling in the background... I can imagine this song starting off with the sound of rain... something to remind us that we are all pouring our hearts out to get through this life, one work day at a time...

More Pics from the Gala!

This one is going to be used in the news letter!

LRMA GALA

A Night on Broadway!

Look, it's Sally Bowles and Joel Grey from Cabaret!

Me as Sally Bowles

Liza Minnelli as Sally Bowles

Pro-Gun Legislation

I Love Florida's Gun Laws

Ezra Pound on Marriage

Bold Not Boring!

This Saturday, I am attending the LRMA Gala and I will be in costume.  I am going as Sally Bowles from Cabaret played by Liza Minnelli.  As I was researching the character, I came across this wonderful interview in which Liza defends her honor (and her mother's, Judy Garland).  I love how bold she is.  She is bold, not boring!

Two Cards

This first is the card I promised to post a while back.  It is the one I had made for my parents for their arrival home:

Open Tri-fold

Closed

The other is another I made for my best friend, Natalie.  I was having a really bummer day Monday, so I made this card to reflect upon how my life is sometimes like a train full speed ahead, with music always on my mind... and that, well, Natalie is that friend that is always there for me when all gets insane and rough:

Open Tri-fold

Closed

Curatorial Assistant

It's super official at LRMA; all I need now are my business cards!

It's Offical! I Work in a Museum!

Hello World!  It is official: I am pleased to announce that I am the new assistant to the associate curator and registrar at the Leepa-Rattner Museum of Art in Tarpon Springs, Florida!  I start at 9:00 Monday (January 24, 2011) morning!  I am so thrilled to finally have a job that pertains to the Masters degree/Graduate Certificate in Museum Studies that I worked so hard to earn.  Other perks include being close to home and working with a group of folks that are great people!  I will be a part-time employee (20 hours a week), which suites me well considering I also run my own business and will continue to work for my parents as their manager.  Yesterday's news is today's dream come true; I couldn't be in a happier place!

Artist: Abraham Rattner, American (1895 - 1978)
Title: April Showers
Year: circa 1950
Medium: Silkscreen, Signed in Pencil and dedicated to Robert Gwathmey
Edition: AP
Size: 22.75 in. x 28 in. (57.79 cm x 71.12 cm)
Size (in frame): 31 x 37 inches

My Relationships: What I Want

I just want people in my life that are fun to be around, that don't bore me or stress me out, that are creative and energetic, and that care about themselves enough to care about the people that surround them.  

My First Time at the Stamp'n'Scrap Club

So, this past Wednesday night, I went to my first St. Petersburg Stamp'n'Scrap Club meeting. I showed up late because I was trying to open a safe... long story, but trust me, it was legit. So anyway, once I found myself in Bayfront Medical Center's Salon A, I was relieved to see women sitting there, diligently working on, what Liz, the instructor, called, "paper matting cards." I only had time to make two cards, but they really mean a lot to me. I am posting the one I made for my friend, in fear that my mom and dad will see the other one on here before in person tomorrow. So, stay tuned, because I will post the other one shortly.

This card is dedicated to my best friend, Natalie:

Front 

Back

Some comments I made about the SnS's Club on meetup.com:

"I had such a wonderful time last night! It was a pleasure to be around artistic-like-minded people who really made you feel welcome. I can't wait to go back and learn more about the craft of making cards, stamping, scrapbooking, etc.…"

Group Review: "LOVE it. I can't wait to bring people with me next time! Also, there is just something about seeing your final product that makes you feel really good about yourself. I can't stop staring at the card I made for my parents..."

True Peace

You know when you are at peace when you can watch 1,000 Ways to Die before you go to bed, and have a dream in which all is surreal enough to inspire you to crack up laughing, knowing that everything happening at that moment is just a dream.  True peace has found me; or perhaps, I have found her.

Dream Details:

At first it was scary; I was being chased by these weird men, but there was this portal, but not for their bodies, but their minds, to make them think they were somewhere else and that anything they heard they thought was real.  So, I pretended to be a motor boat, and I made a diesel sound, and I started cracking up because they believed they were really being transported on a boat. HAHA.  It still makes me laugh...

Perhaps this is a sign that I need to write a happy song, something about not taking life too seriously... something maybe someone would want to dance to, or listen to on a road trip with a huge stoner-esk smile on their face.

Frightening & In the Bay

Last night, Peter and I commenced once again to combine our powers of musical genius.  We ended up practically perfecting our song "Nightmare" and I was pleased to know that his dad thought it was really good (not to mention, he said he loved my voice three or four times.)  We also completed roughly two songs, with the third on it's way.

"Frightening," a song about love's complexities, is finished in terms of melody, but I need to lyrically add two more verses.  "In the Bay," originally written for a friend of mine who consistently has relationship problems, is turning into one of the most gorgeous slow songs I have ever heard.  Peter, after listening to my rough recording improv, came up with something so beautiful on the guitar, that we think the song is worthy of piano.  I still have yet to type up those lyrics, and structure it.  Lastly, we briefly touched on "Betty Lane," but it still needs a lot of work...  but, so far, I like the direction it is headed.  If we continue to work this steadily, I imagine we could start professionally recording in March.

If Peter and I didn't live 60 minutes away from one another, we would probably have 12 songs by now... but alas, the distance makes things a little harder... but honestly, it's our ONLY complication.  Everything is so stress and drama free.  I am so thankful he's in my life, and I would never want to imagine a world without him...  <3

Betty Lane & Nightmare

Currently, Peter and I are working on a new song I wrote the lyrics and melody for called "Betty Lane."  Peter is adding guitar to the song, and informed me that we may change it from its gospel roots to a funk progression... we shall see.  I have to wait till Friday to hear what he has come up with... should be interesting.  The song also needs more lyrics... perhaps one more verse.

We already wrote another song called "Nightmare."  90% of the guitar melodies come from Peter; I added a bit via the chorus.  The lyrics come from a poem I wrote back in February of 2008.  Crazy how something from a while ago can become today's new song.  But I love that; I have so much poetry on my hands (I studied poetry as an undergrad), and I have been writing poetry and melodies with lyrics since I started journaling (which was around the age of 8.)

The evolution of a song is something so organic and pure, that it reminds me why writing is so cathartic, and how singing and playing an instrument are close to divinity... "Perhaps that is why I have loved the artist; creation is the closest we come to divinity." -Anais Nin

"Dirty Boy," "Must Write," and "Fall from Grace" coming soon...

It's 2011 and it's time for something NEW

I am bringing this blog back after a few months of dedicating my time to another blog of mine: The Real Food Pyramid.  I plan on utilizing this site to update my progress about my main passion for and struggles with music  I also plan to use this blog to write about my professional endeavors, and perhaps some of my other artistic ventures.  Either way, I read this really great article today, recommended to me by my brother, about how important it is to write down your goal's progress to get yourself motivated to stick to it.  Here goes.

So, as far as music is concerned, I have started a whole new project after so many failed projects in 2010 (seven, to be exact...).  I feel this time around, I am finally doing what I want to be doing: steadily learning how to play the guitar and piano by ear, while writing songs and singing for my new band.  This time, it's only me and another buddy of mine; I am so thrilled that he and I do NOT want to work with a rhythm section... it's just him on guitar and me on vocals and guitar.  We are both going to be writing music and lyrics.  THIS is what I have been wanting to do, and I am so, so excited and thankful that I have someone I know I can trust; someone I know who isn't an asshole.  Thanks Peter.

Note: 2010 wasn't a complete failure by any means.  I wrote roughly 12 songs, four of which I have rough recorded.  You can listen to them here.